Been a while.....i am actually back with my great aunt in south carolina....school is much better, I enjoy being here so much more than being with my dad......my plans for the military plans are more like a plan B.....only because my grade average is a B+...So i'm looking forward to college life.  anyway i haven't really called or got in touch with my dad or anyone since i left.....i just don't feel like having the headache......i'm just soooooo freggin glad i'm back home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well....here's the deal....like i have said before, my father and i don't really get along since i have moved here.  Well this school year so far has been crappy and i'm failing my college algebra class...simply because the studies here in GA are different from SC where i moved here from.....so my dad is outta town now for his job....my mom, grandmother, and aunt have decided to get me friday and move me back.....WITHOUT MY STEPMOTHER OR FATHER....OR ANYONE'S KNOWLEDGE!!!!  This of course will cause a whole lotta drama.....ladies and gents capital WTF! my dad is goin to hit heaven's basement.....i hate that this is goin down this way.....i can't say anything because i will get in trouble.  I just know some people will be pissed at ME....gawwwwwwd why why why why why why???....i mean don't get me wrong...i do miss my old highschool and friends and my great aunt whom i lived with....but i just know this is going to end bad....i'm practically shaking now typing this

I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE their music.....u will have to scroll to the bottom of my playlist to find them.....lyrics aren't in english.....german in fact....anyway, i just have a few of my favorites by them, i have one song that T.A.T.U. is featured in (yay!)...one song title is repeated (reise reise), but they are two different songs...playlist.com just screwed it up :p

  In spring of youth it was my lot
  To haunt of the wide world a spot
  The which I could not love the less--
  So lovely was the loneliness
Of a wild lake, with black rock bound,
And the tall pines that towered around.

  But when the Night had thrown her pall
  Upon the spot, as upon all,
  And the mystic wind went by
  Murmuring in melody--
  Then--ah, then, I would awake
  To the terror of the lone lake.

  Yet that terror was not fright,
  But a tremulous delight--
  A feeling not the jewelled mine
  Could teach or bribe me to define--
  Nor Love--although the Love were thine.

  Death was in that poisonous wave,
  And in its gulf a fitting grave
  For him who thence could solace bring
  To his lone imagining--
  Whose solitary soul could make
  An Eden of that dim lake.

  I sit in complete numbness...wasting away...crying hollow tears.  Why do i do this to myself...why do i get this way.  I hate that i do not know the answer...truth is i don't know much about myself.  I am so lost, i feel hopeless....i want to be better...i want to feel alive and strong.  I am so empty and so alone inside....i feel like i am at my end...